Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
