You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
