The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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