Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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