Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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