we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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