just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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