Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Bring me that man meat
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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