He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
