Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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