please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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