it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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