man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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