Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Drunk is a universal language darling
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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