god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
4 words: hood of his car
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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