Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
