You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
