At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
