69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
