I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
