did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
