Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
