"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Nicole vs. Life
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
