apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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