On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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