I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
