honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
