His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
