this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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