YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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