Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
