I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
