Umm I'm too high to move.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
