So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
