he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
