If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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