I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
