I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
