I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
