The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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