I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I deserve this hangover.
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