You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
