I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
