Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
