I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
