Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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