He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
