I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
