she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
