Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
