Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
operation have a gay friend backfired
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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