i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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