The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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